Drumroll, please! It's a....

BOY! I've always kind of felt like it was a boy, but I will fully admit that after Tuesday's ultrasound, the little stinker had me confused. Still, Armando and I are over the moon at the idea of our son!

Lying in bed this morning, after all the excitement of Christmas yesterday, the reality of it all started to sink in, and I had a bit of a mini-nervous breakdown. Its just so much more real now knowing I have a son. Mind you, this probably would have happened even if Squeaky were a girl. I got worried about whether I will be a good mom to a boy. I know how to care for a baby etc, but what will my relationship with my son be like? I started to think of all the jerkwads I've known in life, and what can I do to help ensure that my son grows up to be a respectful, loving man. I have no qualms about the men in his life, they will all be wonderful role models, especially his Daddy. But my own insecurities and issues kept creeping in.

Luckily a good hormonal cry to Armando helped things considerably. I love that man! He was able to put so many things into perspective for me, things I knew in my heart but my brain kept trying to hide from me.

Looking back on my episode this morning, I realize the reason behind my breakdown. I surprised myself, really. I already love this kid so freaking much. So much so that I care about who he will be in 20 years. On the surface, the tought is almost easy to dismiss. Of course I love my baby, everyone talks about it, tells you about the special bond you will have with your child. You almost start to take it for granted. But then to be hit right between the eyes with the reality of it all is strange and slightly mind boggling.

Well, this entry has gotten quite deep and contemplative, and I'm not sure how to end it. So, I'll say this:

I love you Squeaky. And I truly cannot wait to meet you and see the person you'll become.