Head Games

I had another miscarraige dream last night. It sucked big time, and was much more graphic than the last one. I know they don't mean anything, but it seems like a vicious circle. I'm worried about it subconciously, so I dream about it, and then I worry about it conciously.

The truth is that I am a control freak, and there is no way around it. And I realize that there is not much I can do or not do to prevent a miscarraige. If it is going to happen, that is the way it is.

I'm trying to remind myself about the story of Mary. When the angel Gabriel came to her and told her she was pregnant (and with the Son of God no less), she never questioned it. She just said "Let it be done according to Your will". She knew God had a plan for her, and whether she understood it or not, it wasn't her job to worry about it. So I'm trying to do the same. It's not easy, and I'm faltering at times, but the power of turning it over is the most power I have right now. So I might as well use it.